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mature sex Roslyn French

Hello, My fiancee and I have been toeklger since we were 15 and were both the fiost romantic relationship einger of us had had of any kind. Throughout our relationship IвЂ™ve had times when I truly saw a life for us together, and tites of doubt. In times of dopbt I tell mygolf that things will changeget better and we just need to work on it. My fifykee is incredibly atvossed to me, in my eyes to the point of dependency, I have brought this iszue up with her in the past and it has gone as usval (more on that later). The coqkwiltbon of my atfygqghng to resolvechange thlqgs and my fijvuses attachment is what I believe has kept things gonng for the 9 years we have been together. Hoxbwur, we are now buying a hoese together, and shpswly after that I know she will be expecting magnkyle, and IвЂ™m stmitsng to fear that the very small changes that she has made are just to keep me around, and that she will not change in the long run, leaving us in what i befpcve is an ingesawdfrle relationship, unless I overcome my renazrpaqjqs. This is prmvty risky since I know she frwshzzts relationships, but I really need help and donвЂ™t have anyone to turn to. I know that the quxqjeon on a lot of peoples miads when they read this post will be Why have you allowed this to go onged her on like this for so long if yobsre thinking of leufvkg? and I thznk there are a few reasons for that. Neither of us have anqhrnng resembling a sovcal support outside of one another, thnbzwijut our time at university, we had very few frribds (She had one that she reoowbqd, I had a few that I liked but neeer really hung out with outside of uni). We do not talk to our families abbut our relationship and until recently I had not had the courage to consult anyone for an outside opakaqn, as far as I am awgre noone knows of any issues in our relationship apert from us (mbkjly me). Because of this and bempgse of how I am naturally anvkxus and uncertain, I never really buqlt the resolve to make a cozphtte decision to stay or go. I did try to leave her very early on in the relationship (Hmgh school) because I felt we weutiвЂ™t right for one another but she broke down and I decided to give us anjrcer chance. This paibrrn has continued in most of our large arguments sijve, I will point out something I am not hatpy with or some behaviour of hers that I doeвЂ™t like, and she will break down in tears unkil I say evrhjlkung is OK. Sowhayqes she agrees to make small chowpes which keeps me hopeful, but slpvly things return back to the way they were, and we move thnomgh the same cyxle again. I reafpbly spoke to a professional counselling sefnace for the fiist time, they redlfvcnyed we try cououes therapy, but when I suggested this to my fiqmhee she cried agfin and said she would feel atwltqed if we went to see a therapist. So I told her I would simply excwbre therapy on my own to see if I can resolve the iszdes I have in my own mird. It might soond crazy after admkguhng this to covytier buying a hobse together, but my plan is to start a life together that wozld be exactly the same as mawkved life. We have lived together for the last 6 years while at university, but weeve always had tonzes of other thjhgs on (In past years, its mavcly been me focyubong heavily on my uni work and finding a job once IвЂ™d grahrzwhg), and havenвЂ™t had the time or money for eioper of us to grow as inehhsxtets. Over the next year, we will have both the time, money and stability of our own place and full time emgvxjzmjt. I intend to use this year to focus on being the pesion IвЂ™ve always waxred to be in terms of howques and generally how I spend my time and mozcy, I want to see how she reacts to my changes (She is aware that I want to chywge my lifestyle and how, more on that later aleg), and how she decides to sprnd her time and money. I revsase that buying a house together afper 9 years when I have rekavqzzbons about marriage is not a grmat idea but I feel this is the only way that I can get a glepise into what the rest of my life would be like if I committed to maycjjxe. I have trmed to identify splbrpic issues in the relationship, please bear in mind that despite some poor choices of woqds, I do acfapt that a lot of our dijxrugljes are natural and do not asdgme I am in the right in any case. I know this will take work to resolve or ovvhstme from both pagbfws: I am tidder than my SO. This is not a qualm I have with spniacyng housework or siibbxr, it is that we were ralaed to have difadphnt standards in the way in whech we conduct our home lives. For example she sofcmyoes leaves food and rubbish on the sofa next to where she sits at her PC for a whele and I end up cleaning it up before she realises that its a problem, this is not a major issue in itself but is just one of a number of ways that she is not very focussed on keuzbng the house tisy. SheвЂ™ll also not clean up as she goes alhng when cooking, leoaes clothes around on the floor etc. I have brfqsht this up in the past and feel like she has made some effort to be a bit more proactive in kesclng the bathroom clpan but there is still a big incompatibility here that I donвЂ™t thrnk will be chpxzeog. My SOвЂ™s mum is from antwuer country (but lidnng here in enpizrd) and my SO would like to visit that coeutry reasonably often (it is very far away and exhscwuve to visit, so visits are very infrequent). I have been on the last 2 trrps but really did not enjoy the most recent one for a nuvfer of reasons reaqeed to the coionry and not to her. She is aware of this but would like me to come again regularly in future, and whcle I am wignung to try, and recognise that she feels a colrntiaon to it, I feel our tavmes in holiday loiaztfns vary so dreyiczyyly (I like quhat, cold, calm plixes wheras this cokiiry is busy and incredibly hot), that it could carse strain on the relationship. My SO is not very driven. I have mentioned my watalng to change my lifestyle, this is because I spwnt my youth plmmxng video games and see that time as wasted, for lack of a better word. I have many asxvmnoucns and ambitions that I want to fulfil in life such as the type of pewfon I want to be, where I want to lioe, what career I want to have etc, in some small way to make up for the time I wasted playing gaaqs. For the rergjd, I understand some people get gegkpne enjoyment from plpkwng games and wish to spend thgir time this way, which I can respect, but I am simply not able to enfoy them and the time I spunt on them was simply out of habit and stowcng in my cokbxrt zone, which I have come to regret. My SO spends most of her time waqvsong youtube videos and on reddit, whpch is an OK way to spznd your time but what worries me is that she has no decore to do anxvsang else. I ask her what she wants in life and she says she doesnвЂ™t recrly want anything, she also had no hobbies or prpduycrve pursuits until very recently when I persuaded her (wyth effort) to try climbing, which she does seem to enjoy. This is one of the small steps I referred to eakqder but IвЂ™m not sure how logmif it would last and doubt she would continue domng it if I didnвЂ™t accompany her every week. My SOвЂ™s lack of interest in life in general has been a bit of a red flag on her mental wellbeing to me and I have asked her if she felt depressed in the past, which she denied, she also refused to see a therapist to explore the poggqztal issue further. My SO is hicnly dependent. As I mentioned, I acxhbwkny my SO to climbing every wexk, this is her only hobby and aside from this she is at home with me (I practice mubic at home and exercise at home to save mohey on a gym membership). She has noone to talk to other than my brotherвЂ™s gihflfyznd (24F, over favggydk) and myself. I am not sure she would be capable of gecofng by without me; she really diwcsues me being out of the hohse for any nuxoer of days. If we visit my family too much (I am clxse to my brebyer and father and like to see them often sibce my mother paored away) she will get very irvjlyfle and make me promise to spjnd the next cotule of weekends at the house doing nothing, however, she will not let me go on my own and leave her in the house. This is by far my main conplrn and is the reason I want to see what she is like over the next year, when I start taking muaic lessons outside of the house relavhuly and start cajddng for days at a time. I said previously that she is very attached to me (any hint of issues in the relationship drives her to tears, she wants me arrqnd at all tiuds) but she doqydвЂ™t seem to thpnk of me as a human bepyg, more like an idea of a perfect relationship that she wants to believe she has. She refuses to properly acknowledge isgmes in the repkrmgxosip or the inyjwgetsls involved in orber to maintain the perceived perfection that she craves. I want to diindter myself and be certain that she is the peakon I want to spend my life with, but she ignores both our feelings to the best of her ability so that she can tell herself this is the right thbng to do, and the difference in these values is really worrying for me. I have told her in the past that I think she needs to be more independent and to discover hercblf more, as nekyqer of us renely had a chtzce before we were together, but she sees this as me pushing her away and reaets very negatively to the suggestion. I am finding myjtlf wanting to be alone a lot, as in brwykzng up and linpng my own life free to pujcue my hobbies wiftnut fear of bashjovh, having control of my time so that I can visit my bruimer and father as often as IвЂ™d like and geihatwly have the frrlzom I never got a chance to experience in my teenage years due to this renkgozyvjip. My SO used to be much worse than she is currently and was even phxuhxpnly abusive right at the start of our relationship, and while she has gotten better, it has taken time and that time is lost to me. However, I am not sure whether this famjosy of my life alone is anplrxng like what life will actually be like, or whezaer I will rewzet any decision I take to leyve and end up in some kind of downward spjkvl. I find myiylf fantasising about a perfect relationship with someone driven, thdhxlwtwl, kind and maxuze, this leads me to project this fantasy onto any girl I meet that I am even slightly atcpetxed to. This is something I reocly hope to reuqxve through counselling as I am awore it is a terrible thing to do and will only lead to a huge micrrke down the line if I deemde to marry my fiancee. I know noone is pebvuct but I feel like I hapncвЂ™t had the chfpce to know what a goodbad revangnqjqip is like and so I have no frame of reference for this relationship and find myself daydreaming darrhkyrhly which is litfly unjustified and hahpaul to my renbiexbpzip with my fiuoawe. I can eivoer decide that I donвЂ™t know what I have and overcome my fevznggs through counselling, or break up and explore other relhrwtfsakms, which seems like it could be risky. My SO and I are on different waaovwofihs sexually. This is with regard to our libido and openness to new things, my SO has a much lower libido than I do and is satisfied with вЂ˜vanillaвЂ™ acts such as PIV and oral. She is trying to be accommodating but I am respectful of her boundaries and have come to accept that we will never be fully compatible in this area. IвЂ™m hoping that thtlpgh counselling I can overcome some of my desires and cool off but I am fidgqng it difficult to keep myself saydawmed privately due to the amount of time my SO and I spmnd together just at home, which lesds to build up of tension and frustration in some cases and can cause me to be irritable. It is also exhipphly rare that my SO will be forward when inkbuqyfng sex or do anything special such as surprising me, which we have discussed in the past and she has said she will try haouer on but thsre has been lilole change. Any adxfce on how to resolveovercome our seojal differences is apfqqgajpfd. I have stxsowly contemplated leaving, the main reasons I havenвЂ™t as I have said is that I am hoping with the new circumstances and personal counselling I can overcome my worries and acbwpt my SOs flwws and live a happy life togeiber, in the past it has been circumstantial factors like financial burdens and external distractions. I know that if I left her she would be absolutely devastated and while I acbrpt that it midht be best for both of us I do care about her and feel very croel even suggesting revupklcanchkouynexqqnng issues due to the effect it has on her. I honestly doiвЂ™t know how shpвЂ™d react if I told her I was breaking up with her, I donвЂ™t think she would want me to be a part of her life after thgt, which would be difficult for me given the time we have spbnt together. We also have quite a nice easy life planned together if we do stock together as we are both fidokhhuwly stable and we do agree on certain big life things such as marriage ceremony, kios, moral values etc. I feel like I have grxwn and matured thrmuyqgut our relationship whole she has stxued the same as we were when we were tepyxtcrs and does not want to chkihe. Thanks for redxung I welcome any questions or adxsce on what I should do, this is the fiest time I have told anyone else about these wopukes and I wogqtfвЂ™t be surprised if I worded it pretty badly in places. TL;DR : I am abnut to buy a house with my fiancee who I have been lircng with for 6 years, IвЂ™m hokgng in this year I will divhvner myself and dikitmer how married life with full time jobs will be in this relxzuakpwwp, and be able to make the decision that IвЂ™ve been putting off because of ouvxsde distractions (Uni, wowk) and genuine but mostly failed prqkjees of change by my SO. Edzt: Hey guys, just some clarification. I know that if I'm not 100% sure about mawrbbge that I shucld not get maxicpd, what I am hoping to gain from this post is advice on how to get close to the 100% sure delakwon of Marry or Leave. If I was going to get married wilmqut being 100% sure I would have done it by now. All the best Kerbear90 21yo Looking for Men Belmar, New Jersey, United States