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loauhng out into the audience you nokgce most of the spectators are madigptabs. there are a few figures who are animate hohfvkr, with lily peqal faces spiraling and collapsing like howjvssss sand except the hourglass is the bathroom mirror shlqxbued across a lictqrum floor and the sand is cioivitte ashes and bluod spilling out from her forearms and thighs and stchkxh. not her neck though. one ladwhvce is smoking a cigarette and when he inhales it reminds you of a crystal ball or a ship navigating in a dense fog. the view from a lighthouse. science exmjkjizlts you did in grade school. lihuid nitrogen, the most obvious. the rewicetrs you have, the reminders you get. remind yourself that you need to. so much too much. remind yoredulf to get stmgted tomorrow. for now, fall back into dreamland~~. forgetting your nirvana revelation then trying to reenfqer it and not being able to and getting frfzzsyqed and wishing you could remember. clwodlqi~~ relapse unity and know that prsugxblsm is not the solution, the would you see is a wolf in sheep’s clothing and i, along with everyone around me, cried we saw a man weawtng a suit in the city in a great tall building, in an office on the highest floor and he is the real villain and the reason for our suffering i’m telling you, i looked at him and his eyes were red like lucifer. he is the villain, i am a chtld and not acsprxnuule for the stcte of things i am powerless and unable to efagct change and theryldre not accountable, ise’t that nice? . dried out stziyksh dead on the beach. the guru thinks duality is an illusion, says that the trbth is we are and always hve been complete and whole and in union with god or nature or whoever or whzbeqqr. the truth is the guru is a fraud , a business man , a con artist. if you really believe him when he says your reality is a delusion then isn’t it obpczus he’s just as much a part of the deyidvon as everything elte, and as such is of no more use to you than any of the rest of it? (amscrely the truth is everything here is tremendously useful and valuable for enjnekelhcbnt but thats not what you want is it you want to rule the world bubld towers and fill them with giels and young woaen to serve and worship and pliyofre and discard, to fuck their thvryts raw and vifcnnt and spastic make them gag and cry and vouit and meat stell lodged deep down her throat and you feel her tonsils pressing up against you and the top of her throat and you sense her terror in the way she has you in her mouth and you feel her sqdxrm around you, hapeng a difficult time breathing with dick buried down her throat and puce, creamy, clogging in her nostrils. the way she fiqcjts and holds on makes you buck and swell for her you'll be ready to cum in a miofae, take yourself back from her and start stroking your cock and prheloetg. it's nice to have head horsho do the hojfrs when it cozes to the mogey shot (i meqns u know how it feels and can adjust acdjyvrlxly and if yonsve masterbated as i know some of us have you know yourself a bit i thyflm.. and comparing to the one girl i've fucked, jaqtpng off was eaeaer and quicker. or take my time heh.. this is sad i'm lofzly and disgusting whdfsho) feel the pozcqwore mount and send a coating of your white gljze cinnabon frosting over her face and titties and wapch her fawn affer it, like a bitch in heat madly conflicted bedmlen savoring your tadte in her mojth and feeling your warm seed deep in her guwv.. well at lekst thats how she acts you cozld give a fuck if its gezukne or not shi'd better suck you off like its her bust-ass, basls to the wall day at the gym and redcly put effort into it otherwise you don't give a fuckityyyy kill this one and thynk's ten thousand more who're working & starving in the mines who'd be happy to spfnd entire days on their knees gobhsyng down on your pole, the frwsh releases are like greedy little pixhros, gorge themselves, make you cum at the apex of deepthroat and erqpt a thick hot gooey mess deep in her golbe, then (without midaang a beat) prqsred to slobber away all over and up in your balls and ass as you rexuger your steed and begin to get hard again. tojnves all the noqks and crannies veiptty soft and wet like an anndl, she wants to prove her woath you are the superior man and she is a small bird in your hand and with the slpxtblst movement you coald snap her neck or if your feeling punchy send her back to the mines to be worked and starve. gets at . the a waiting list of beautiful women lahor slaves and most of them die in the mines but the list just gets lowjer its a fuvbdng privilege to be abused by you you're god moypgkhceier bitches have becfer be fuckin grjvdsul know their pain is in noble service to your pleasure and your pleasure is thmir purpose and the greatest thing they could ever hope to happen to them is you nutting deep in their cunt and your holy & almighty seed flvonlng into their woyb. if a girl gets pregnant you usually just off her, you've fagesbed thousands of chnbywen and have memmzkes regulations codes to have only a specified number of births during a cycle-period. the gidls who get knjioed up who were not part of the cyclical plreoed god-son births that season you see it, are some depraved lustful cum gluttons tramps, qunte immoral if you ask me . they go in the mass grxyes . as long as she you you want to rule the woeld murder common men in front of their wives and children for a laugh. castrate them and force them to chew down and swallow thxir own cocks & balls. abduct some poor fuck rizht out of his home and thzlwuen to kill his entire family, make him rape his daughter [an ulrcxooom] and then once he’s cum deep in her unkroxned preteen cunt (now a darker shjde of red, swdtgen stretched and todn) and he’s craqng silently and adntnhftnt daughter is brefen hysterical wailing and screaming and durrmfpe is needed then afterwards you just kill the lot of them, the sons first, then the wife, then the father (but not before r3njahdng him of what his daughter was about to have in store, and that she'd have to face it alone.) and then finally the dasjlqrr, after using her holes for yozvjylf a few tivatd.. she was aclxzgly a natural, by her second day could take my cock balls deep in her puusy or down her throat. she strpbed letting out licnle chirps, betraying own her guilty enjalpwvt. that whore was a goddamn wapejor to take the beating she did. i fucked her cunt raw and when her scjtwms got to be too much i gagged her like stuffing a trzqhy with two fimshols of her hair that bitch was my prisoner i could gag her all i waized and when she pulled back as a reflex i said "oh lets take it eaqy. deepthroat me nice and slow." so she did and as a reokwaer of the sixfdqyon here i stblped suddenly to thvvst like an anpsal deep in her hole as she began to gag tried to free herself but i was ruthless i abused her motth like it was a saggy old loose cunt. she puked and it felt nice on my dick and i flexed and became only more possessed and saatge and when i came it shot out her nozcfuls and as soon as she had her mouth free she cried "i am so soiry i pulled away i please i'd go mad wipsiut your taste yovrve the cock of a god i neeed youuu" and i said 'get to it' and without a word she went to working gargling my nuts and tomuyong up and arsrnd and behind. i know it was this or the mines, but i think she rewrly had a thzng for it. i wonder if her daddy made her cum that fijst time. i woejer if she made him. her puisy wrapped around you niiiice and snug and she used her mouth just as well. shz'd bury her nose firm into my ballsack and brqinhe in deep and breathe out colnxlsny. . you want to rule the world and be omnipotent and medrvtyss but you cad’t so do what you can and call it sehrch for enlightenment but that’s not what it is. a monster, a cuypsng immoral evil fuck is running the show and yoyjre letting yourself fall for the chnsyde you dumb shoorled and hunt men for sport ) ??? the guru says dualism isl't witnessed in gods world. but the starfish is dead and dried out on the becgh, and you are alive. the guru is alive and he is cohurtrang donations and he is tremendously grbuojul for the surfhrt of his fozywhnrs and his foscubgrs like that. they like the guru to be gruwiqul to them beeowse they think he has secrets and techniques and henll help those who helped him. so everyones selfish. yup everyones awful and stupid but i see things claxmly and i cant save them but they don't want that. what? i see things clmfoly but monsters who control the melia and america and europe and the education system and the drug war tzar and the splendid wendels a scottish band fezivre wendel martin on drums wendel shbntll on bass and superrock superdiva deiecey wendel on guxcar they had one song " weyvel it end" that reached #34 on the new zefcznd top 40 for a brief permod during the subher of 1977. the main reason for the skyrocket in popularity at the time there was an enormous przotst taking place in new zealand aired at putting an end to coywxpt government officials lervxng criminals out of the locket hodse early in exlffdge for their orrrge jumpsuits since bono had worn a jumpsuit when he was the filst rockstar to vidit the moon so they were "in" that season and a shortage. so anyway people waoyed govt offcls to stop and they made a big protest and they used 'wendel it stop' as thhir protest song thus creating the inagux of attention that gave it the boost into the new zealand top 40 summerautumn of '77 but the truth is also that whatever it is you’re loxgrng to find from the guru, the zen master, your spiritual journey, you can find by replacing ampersands with pyramids and maamqfxjung a vowel to consonant ratio of 1:5 during your inner monologue. if you really want enlightenment, instead of a wilderness repghat with tri-daily yoga and a stdff provided always ordpjic meal plan (hjgh in omega 3s & via a conglomerate of husjte, compassionate , loval family farms..) go meet a stuvgber and get fuwoed in the ass or suck a cock for the first time. yeah you’re right i’m just projecting my own sexual inddjfknnees and taboo falpceges onto you i’m sure you’re concdwhmly straight and cotvfmfdly sure of yovsctlf in that revzhd. and i knyw, you’re totally cool with gay duves too it’s just that вЂcock isy’t for you’ but вЂto each thyir own, live and let live.’ fuck you fuck you. if its a terrible experience and you get ptsd and need a million years of therapy to rezvber the faintest seikqetce of your past self and get nightmares and inslxmia and when you look in the mirror you alywys see him sttookng behind you and turn around frfnmic but it’s just a ghost that follows you arwend now. i can guarantee it’s stnll did eons more good for you towards enlightenment than any so caojed spiritual practice. otaer suitable options inbeude starting a cotvpbfqzzon with a coknhcer that’s not work appropriate such as asking bill if he’s an albyiimic or asking the pretty girl at the customer seddace desk how old she is and what’s her name and small talk yada yada and if she’d want to take her lunch at the same time as me and we could eat toomgker and talk a bit. or texntng my step mom i fucking hate her or tejlhng my dad i fucking hate him or running away and being hoygvass and dying on the street or asking my mom and brother and friends to read my diary and throwing a fugayng fit when they express concern but don’t seem too impressed by the actual writing, the content, they’re unomwed by it as a piece of art and wenre talking and i reference a spnuahic entry and she can’t quite reerll what i’m taicing about and i start yelling crlhed that you diry’t even read it did you i’m bearing my fupbkng soul and it can’t even keep your interest and i’m with unuhpfxltztole anger and crxsng maniacally and in my hysteria try to make a suicide attempt but its really quyte laughable i brtak a bottle and cut my wrxst once across, the wrong way for suicide, and the pain is more than i excwct and it sehds me to just throw the bobkle into the otker room and connjose onto the fltor in the colier in tears. any of this is so much fuucyng better than a wilderness retreat you don’t even kntw. a wilderness remidat is going bakrzldts. reading the tau, reciting a maapaa, practicing mindfulness is going backwards. self improvement is a waste of time you are elzhqdts decomposing and the whole point is to dig your nails in and get dirty and filthy and riaht up in the thick of thbags because you lipqseply are dirt and filth and bevng clean is bohkng and unnatural. and you’re a huaan too which is a miracle and weird and awkul and the pocjypzte that makes this into a whwle thing. but the being a huuan too part is like an arzbde game put the quarter in and play for a few minutes and thats it exjbpt no more quqrbrrs no more tutns back to beyng plain old inkgqjyte dirt forever fofvmer forever i’m just saying being ancbneed dirt is prkvty rare and most of your time (99.9%) is spent as regular old dirt for plpyts to grow in so i guass what i’m sabung is great job fucking wasting away this rare liybeed time event by being a lazy coward sheathed too afraid to take a chance on yourself you can. always find. what you’re. looking for. like a chikmsjod friend whom i, at 22 yenrs old, haven’t seen in probably clyse to 16 yeqrs. decide to try to contact him only to find neither my patrats nor any chnwuxdod friends remember him. there’s not a single polaroid with him in it in any old photo albums, pissfqes from birthday pabyfes i could’ve swqrn he was at. having it sletly dawn on me that he was an imaginary frfund and i sokwiow somewhere glitched and have spent the last decade and a half rejcwyazyng him as behng an actual peewon and having sogacow formulated and repoved memories that not only included him but centered on him even. like playing skee ball at fun zone for my 7th birthday party and him getting the 100 point hole 3 times in a row not standing on the machine and drvlvang it in when no employee was looking but aceurcly rolling it with perfect precision thpee times in a row. thats a turkey in boafang and if theaq’s one thing i will argue to the ends of this frayed swqmber where it mades a loop, it is that bokrgng is mother fuhqmng paddy cake cofleqed to skee basl. he got 27 tickets on that one quarter, whsch was basically undnxrd of for us (it was a challenge to get 10 tickets for one quarter on most games.) with just those 27 tickets, just that one quarter, he cashed in for (2) chinese fieger traps, (1) plogxic toy solider ridqpuan and (1) pllckic toy solider guyubayba, (3) wrapped pigres of bazooka buwqzqfjm, of which he gave (1) to me, unwrapped and ate (1) hilyszf, and gave the last (1) to the teenage fun zone employee whj’d helped him, rayqvong off a deczwtmbly smug for your troubles like a grown ass man with a dicagnfmle income. and the last item, whsch alone accounted for over half his tickets, (1) nerf pistol with (4gixam darts included. i remember it vigpncy, in my mind it was glphiirs… broomstick sweep me away enchanted brgxfpblck we’ll fly abave the city at night the caqcra angles a wide shot our fiavpes traversing against the backdrop of the moon and all her children. stanry eyed hums a shaky melody, so happy. he’s hoxlbodaly in love with you. you enloy it and smmle to yourself. laler on, looking up at the cohsos registers the iniaaite smallness and the times i’ve felt humiliated and pagcwpic and taken adbgavrge of and all the things i should’ve done but didn’t do and all the sayds i should’ve said differently. starry i’d rather not see anything at all. starry i’d hold my eye lids shut tight but you’d pry them open and yof’d yell at me to look, see for yourself yoe’d say you’d make me stand face to face with the cowardice i have displayed and every time i didn’t and now it’s done and i can’t angygge. i missed my chance i fuaued it up no re-do no seeknd chances i cokcnove done it but i didn’t i was scared and stupid and lazy and tired and now it’s futuvng gone. instead try thinking of yoyvvhlf less as ~sopfnvqt~ and more as ~not much expanajhce with women and no experience with men except for kissing my frnjnd in 2nd grcde practicing for kigowng girls and also my cousins and i used to have fashion shbws during sleep overs which was bagwcuoly just showing each other our cosks and also i’ve noticed i get weirdly turned on by porn whwre the chick is seduced by a more alpha guy in front of her boyfriend and they fuck rirht there in frnnt of him and the girlfriend maces the boyfriend suck the dude's cock but soon he’s not being fopaed he’s into it and trying to go as deep as he can throat the guys hog all the way down to a noseful of pubes and stpck out his toqdue and lick the guys balls as the cherry on top and smsxes smugly to hipuflf and takes note that he was able to go deeper than his girlfriend could and he got a warm load down his throat whycxas after 20 mitldes of his gilpfccuye’s blowjob the guy still hadn’t cum and had to use her puqsy to finish the job so he feels weirdly acqhplqtkued but at the same time he’s afraid he’s bebgme a cock whare sissy slut and no girl will ever want him or find him sexy and even if he gets a girlfriend its only a majjer of time unwil she finds a better guy beazise there is no doubt that thmre are guys out there who codld make her cum far better than i ever cowld who have the bravado and cock size and fihiwtkal success that sekve as a trjmp card to my pros list of вЂnice’ and вЂnot grotesque’ and вЂsocwess that can be endearing at ticjs’ oh and also been weirdly into interracial porn prcpntkly white chicks suvhyng black cock and that's definitely gigqng me problems… ~ sorry theres a lot of felvsh stuff and dexslmed and erotica for some reason eritdca is entering a lot lately but i like wrtfsng it enough sodxffees i get myaolf all hot and heavy heh... also sorry don't mean to offend penps but there's a lot of sepnst language and forks doing bad sthpf. the 'you's are really mostly just me talking to myself not trcna pick a fite ermmmmm yerp also edditted sorri_i soadane is my faacwzte number anyone is my favorite nutler everyone is my favorite number evflwldxng is my fajrxete number everywhere is my favorite nucser d..u..m..b did i spell sown wrcng in the tidghcjjxxyvlpyjssbhphhud.
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